Beware of Bad Habits

Too late, I discovered that caregiving for my husband could contribute to developing bad habits. It started slowly, a short cut here and saving a couple of minutes there. As the years passed, I didn’t notice how bad habits had become a way of life. Here are a few examples I wish someone would have warned me about.

Changing Priorities

At the beginning of Bob’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis, the disease took over our lives. I made adjustments every day to accommodate his needs. My new way of prioritizing life’s responsibilities was to postpone whatever could be put off until the next day or the following week.

I could soon postpone just about everything not related to Bob’s current needs. My priorities were getting Bob to the doctor, to his day program, helping him choose his clothes, helping him dress, and generally doing all I could to make his life seem like everything was going just fine. Keeping his schedule consistent and predictable also took precedence over most everything else.

Fixing him a snack rather than taking a few minutes to check our supply of paper products seemed logical at the time. Constant re-prioritizing, however, led to being out of toilet paper at the most inopportune times. I had put off going to the store for paper products, thinking I had enough stored in the garage. But I also put off going out to the garage to see if there was an extra package stored there. Something else was always more important.

If I had taken just a few seconds at the moment to write down on a daily list what task I had postponed, I might not have lost track of it until it was a problem.

Managing Storage Areas

In the nine years Bob had Alzheimer's, I never found time to clean out closets and drawers. I didn’t give such household chores much importance. The consequence was that I had filled up every drawer, shelf, and closet in the house at the end of those caregiving years. There was never time to do anything but daily maintenance. I thought I could manage it later. But when later came, I could not throw away almost anything, especially those items that had some connection to Bob. I had little interest in tackling what was now such a vast cleanout.

You might think, well, what else could she do? Right, except I didn’t realize that I was developing a habit that would prove to be very difficult to break

Multi-Tasking

I have never been a fan of multi-tasking —more accurately defined as trying to do everything at once. I didn’t realize until it was too late that, as a caregiver, I had unwittingly become a multi-tasker. 

I fell into the habit of starting one task (making Bob’s lunch to take to his daycare program) while thinking about making sure he took his morning medicine. Then I would stop the salad preparation mid-stream, go to the back of the house and find Bob to give him his pills.

While I was with him, I would notice that his shirt was buttoned wrong, and before I could fix the shirt, he would ask me for help getting his shoes on. My attention was focused on getting him ready. Then I would remember the para-transit bus was about to arrive and I hadn't finished the salad! Back to the kitchen, quickly complete the salad preparation, pack a banana in his lunch bag along with the salad and a little container of dressing. Then the bus arrived. "Everyone (Bob and me) out the door!" Whew!

Looking back, I wish that I had organized routine tasks and committed myself to do them the same way every time: Help Bob get dressed first, then do the salad when he was ready to go. And my husband could have counted on just what the routine was every morning.

Interrupted Sleep

In the early years, I think I kept “one ear open" when I slept to make sure that Bob didn’t have a problem in the middle of the night. Later, however, I had to get up at 3:00 a.m. to change his position in bed and give him medication. I usually had great difficulty getting back to sleep. I thought my constant tiredness was due to not enough hours of sleep. I pushed myself out of bed every morning, never feeling rested, but concluding that I should be ready to get up since I had been in bed for eight hours.

Later, I read about interrupted sleep, and how much harder it is on the human body than simply not enough hours of rest. Doing without sleep can become a habit, but you never feel good and may wonder why.

As Bob’s disease progressed, he always needed a nap after any activity (doctor’s appointment, going to the grocery store with me, and especially after his time at the Adult Day program). If your loved one takes naps, try to make a habit of taking at least a lie-down at the same time. Just the relaxation time might give you some needed energy.

I hope other caregivers can watch out for these habits and manage them just by knowing that they're out there waiting for you. But they do not need to take over your life.